It is WAR!

That's IT Mr. Gopher!  You are no longer welcomed here.  I tried to let you live here, but you have not followed the rules.  You have continued to dig holes in the front lawn and that is just not acceptable!  You had 1 acre to choose from and you insisted on living on 200 SF that is my front lawn.  Not cool!

Here is your eviction notice: carbon monoxide.

Side note:  This first attempt to gas him failed. 

You may have won this battle, Mr. Gopher, but we will win the war!

Pests! Pests! Pests!

First it was the flies.  They were everywhere.  So I got a couple of green reusable fly traps.  They are awesome and after having them out for a month, I have actually seen a difference.  Thank goodness, cause flies are gross.  Thanks to our fancy doggy septic system, there are never any doggy poops out, but for some reason the  flies are always out and about.  I haven't figured out what is attracting them.

Next it was the spiders.  Well, to be honest, I never did anything about them. Those are skittish little things (although very poisonous) and they mostly hang out in the garage and under the house.  They are not bothering me.... yet.  I will get to them when I get to them (way down low on the priority list).

Then it was the yellow jackets.  They didn't bother me at first.  They never bit or stung me and I thought we could all live peaceably together.  But now they seems to be taking over.  And it is hard to move about the yard without dodging one of them.  They seem to like the water in the pond, which is why they are hanging around the yard.  So off to the store I went to get another trap.  Just like before a nice green reusable one.

Now, it's the gophers.  

How do I deal with gophers?  I absolutely refuse to put poison down.  I have too many loved animals to risk having poison on the ground.  Someone told me to flood it out with a hose and then when they come out to breathe, hit them over the head with a shovel.  But if you haven't noticed, I happen to be an animal lover.  That would be hard to do.  Why can't I write a nice letter asking them to please not dig holes?  It would go something like this:

Dear Mr Gopher and Family,
I know you think you have found prized real estate.  It really is beautiful out there, especially during the sunrise.  But I hate to tell you this, but there is already someone living there, me.   And I really do not appreciate the holes you are creating in my front lawn.

I know, I know.  I have a lot of space.  Why can't I share it?  Well, I am here to tell you that I can.  Just please live by my rules. Here they are:

1. Do not dig or live in my front lawn at all.  Period.  I hate to say it, but your holes are unsightly and I don't want to upset my neighbors.
2. Do not dig or live in my immediate backyard.  This is for your benefit as well as mine.  You don't want to pop you little head out and be attacked by a doberman.  Trust me, it will not be pleasant.
3. Do not dig or live in the vegetable garden.  This is food for me and my family.  Please find your own.

That's it!  Three little rules.  There is plenty of space for you everywhere else.  Tons of it actually.  If you could agree to my 3 simple rules, I am sure we can live amicably with each other.

Very Truly Yours,

Lilian A. Ramey

Sigh... If life could be that easy....