One Disgusting Story

I was telling this story to my co-worker and she told me that I had to include this one on the blog.  So for everyone who feels like getting squeamish, please read on  If not, you may want to skip this one.  This is your warning.

As you know, I was in charge of doing all the chores this last weekend which included changing out all the fly and yellow jacket traps.  So I found a shovel and started to dig a hole in the dry hard earth.  This is not exactly an easy chore for me.  I dug and dug and barely broke ground.  So I grabbed the post digger and used that.  Meanwhile, Harley is watching me dig.

So, when I got about 8-10" hole, which is barely big enough, I grabbed the fly traps and emptied the contents into my hole.  So now this hole is full of mostly dead fly bodies, maggots, and few live ones.  I quickly buried them up and walked away to clean the traps and set them up again.

BIG MISTAKE

When I walked past my fly burial ground, I saw Harley, my doberman, digging them all up and the few live ones are flying everywhere.  SHIT!

I called him away and cursed myself for not putting him into the house.

I continued cleaning out the traps and setting new ones, when from the corner of my eye I see a white furry body rolling happily in the dirt.

There was Ellie, my sweet clean white Cavalier girl, rolling all over the dead fly bodies that Harley had just dug up.  I screamed at her to stop, but my screams were falling on deaf ears.  Once she was done, she happily pranced over to me all gray and black with dead fly parts and wings hanging off her.  UGH!

So I did what any good Cavalier Mother would do, I told my hubby to please give her a bath.

YUCK!

Pests! Pests! Pests!

First it was the flies.  They were everywhere.  So I got a couple of green reusable fly traps.  They are awesome and after having them out for a month, I have actually seen a difference.  Thank goodness, cause flies are gross.  Thanks to our fancy doggy septic system, there are never any doggy poops out, but for some reason the  flies are always out and about.  I haven't figured out what is attracting them.

Next it was the spiders.  Well, to be honest, I never did anything about them. Those are skittish little things (although very poisonous) and they mostly hang out in the garage and under the house.  They are not bothering me.... yet.  I will get to them when I get to them (way down low on the priority list).

Then it was the yellow jackets.  They didn't bother me at first.  They never bit or stung me and I thought we could all live peaceably together.  But now they seems to be taking over.  And it is hard to move about the yard without dodging one of them.  They seem to like the water in the pond, which is why they are hanging around the yard.  So off to the store I went to get another trap.  Just like before a nice green reusable one.

Now, it's the gophers.  

How do I deal with gophers?  I absolutely refuse to put poison down.  I have too many loved animals to risk having poison on the ground.  Someone told me to flood it out with a hose and then when they come out to breathe, hit them over the head with a shovel.  But if you haven't noticed, I happen to be an animal lover.  That would be hard to do.  Why can't I write a nice letter asking them to please not dig holes?  It would go something like this:

Dear Mr Gopher and Family,
I know you think you have found prized real estate.  It really is beautiful out there, especially during the sunrise.  But I hate to tell you this, but there is already someone living there, me.   And I really do not appreciate the holes you are creating in my front lawn.

I know, I know.  I have a lot of space.  Why can't I share it?  Well, I am here to tell you that I can.  Just please live by my rules. Here they are:

1. Do not dig or live in my front lawn at all.  Period.  I hate to say it, but your holes are unsightly and I don't want to upset my neighbors.
2. Do not dig or live in my immediate backyard.  This is for your benefit as well as mine.  You don't want to pop you little head out and be attacked by a doberman.  Trust me, it will not be pleasant.
3. Do not dig or live in the vegetable garden.  This is food for me and my family.  Please find your own.

That's it!  Three little rules.  There is plenty of space for you everywhere else.  Tons of it actually.  If you could agree to my 3 simple rules, I am sure we can live amicably with each other.

Very Truly Yours,

Lilian A. Ramey

Sigh... If life could be that easy....